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  1. #46
    LETTER FROM A VIRGINIA MOTHER TO A VIRGINIA SON



    Dear Son,

    I am writing this slow cause I know you can’t read fast.

    We don’t live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper where most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved.

    I won’t be able to send you the address cause the last family that lived here took the numbers with them for the next house so they wouldn’t have to change their address.

    This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven’t seen them since. It only rained twice this week, three days for the first time and four days for the second.

    The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt Sue said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

    We got the bill from the funeral home, said if we didn’t make the last payment on Grandma’s funeral bill, up she comes.

    About your father, he has a lovely job. He has over 500 men under him. He is cutting grass at the cemetery.

    About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I haven’t found out weather it is a boy or a girl, so I don’t know if you are an aunt or an uncle.

    Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup. One was driving, the other were in the back. The driver got out, he rolled down the window and swam to safety. The other two drowned. They couldn’t get the tailgate down.

    Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off so he drowned. We cremated him, he burned for three days.

    Not much more news this time, nothing happened.

    Write more often,
    Love Mom

    PS I was going to send you some money, but the envelope was already sealed.




    (Found this saying West Virginia, but someone knows why I changed it.)
    .
    Two roads diverged in a wood,

    and I- I took the one less traveled by,


    And that has made all the difference.

  2. #47
    A man doing market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet.
    He says, 'I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?'
    She says, 'Yes. My husband and I use it all the time.'
    'And if you don't mind me asking, what do you use it for?'
    'We use it for sex.'
    The researcher was a little taken back.
    'Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you've been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you use it for sex?'
    The woman says, 'I don't mind telling you at all. My husband and I put it on the door knob and it keeps the kids out.'




    What, you were expecting a dirty joke?
    .
    Two roads diverged in a wood,

    and I- I took the one less traveled by,


    And that has made all the difference.

  3. #48

    A little quiz

    Okay....lemme see if ya still got it!!!!!




    A quick quiz to reassure you you're still with it. Enjoy!

    Below are four (4) questions and a Bonus question to test your perception, reasoning and the quickness of your logical processing. They are stated simply so you should try to answer them instantly.

    To assure the accuracy of the results, you should not take your time , but instead, answer each of them immediately. OK?

    Let's find out just how clever you really are..... Ready? GO!!!

    (scroll down slowly to uncover Q's and A's )


    First Question :You are a participant in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?



    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<

    Answer : If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely WRONG! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, YOU are in second place! Try not to screw up next time.

    Now answer the second question, but don't take as much time as you took for the first question, OK?


    Second Question :I f you overtake the last person, then you are...?

    (scroll down)





    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


    Answer : If you answered that you are second to last, then you are ; ;

    WRONG again.

    Tell me Sunshine, how can you overtake the LAST person??
    You're not very good at this, are you?




    Third Question :Very tricky arithmetic!

    Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.


    Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000 Now add 30 . Add another 1000 . Now add 20 . Now add another 1000 . Now add 10 . What is the total? Scroll down for the correct answer
    ....... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


    Did you get 5000 ?



    The correct answer is actually 4100 .If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator!
    Today is definitely not your day, is it ?


    Maybe you'll get the last question right...

    Maybe...


    Fourth Question: Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono, and ??? What is the name of the fifth daughter?

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Did you Answer Nunu?

    NO! Of course it isn't.

    Her name is Mary you retard! Read the question again!


    Okay, now the Bonus round, i.e., a final chance to redeem yourself:

    A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.

    Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    It's really very simple He opens his mouth and asks for it...

    Does your employer actually pay you to think??

    If so Do NOT let them see your answers for this test!

    PASS THIS ON TO FRUSTRATE THE SMART PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE!

    Have a nice day, one and all
    .
    Two roads diverged in a wood,

    and I- I took the one less traveled by,


    And that has made all the difference.

  4. #49
    The New Store
    - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    Two businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their
    soon-to-be new store.

    As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.

    One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some senior is going to
    walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling."

    No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious
    senior walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked,
    "What are you sellin' here?"

    One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling a$$-holes."

    Without skipping a beat, the old timer said,

    "You're doing well. Only two left."

    .
    Two roads diverged in a wood,

    and I- I took the one less traveled by,


    And that has made all the difference.

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