LETTER FROM A VIRGINIA MOTHER TO A VIRGINIA SON



Dear Son,

I am writing this slow cause I know you can’t read fast.

We don’t live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper where most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved.

I won’t be able to send you the address cause the last family that lived here took the numbers with them for the next house so they wouldn’t have to change their address.

This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven’t seen them since. It only rained twice this week, three days for the first time and four days for the second.

The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt Sue said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

We got the bill from the funeral home, said if we didn’t make the last payment on Grandma’s funeral bill, up she comes.

About your father, he has a lovely job. He has over 500 men under him. He is cutting grass at the cemetery.

About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I haven’t found out weather it is a boy or a girl, so I don’t know if you are an aunt or an uncle.

Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup. One was driving, the other were in the back. The driver got out, he rolled down the window and swam to safety. The other two drowned. They couldn’t get the tailgate down.

Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off so he drowned. We cremated him, he burned for three days.

Not much more news this time, nothing happened.

Write more often,
Love Mom

PS I was going to send you some money, but the envelope was already sealed.




(Found this saying West Virginia, but someone knows why I changed it.)

A man doing market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet.
He says, 'I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?'
She says, 'Yes. My husband and I use it all the time.'
'And if you don't mind me asking, what do you use it for?'
'We use it for sex.'
The researcher was a little taken back.
'Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you've been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you use it for sex?'
The woman says, 'I don't mind telling you at all. My husband and I put it on the door knob and it keeps the kids out.'




What, you were expecting a dirty joke?