Old man and the Moped



A doctor goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new Ferrari GTO. It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and stops at a red light.



An old man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to him. The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, "What kind of car ya got there, sonny?"



The doctor replies, "A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!" "That's a lot of money," says the old man. "Why does it cost so much?" "Because this car can do up to 250 miles an hour!" states the doctor proudly.



The Moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?" "No problem," replies the doctor. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right...but I'll stick with my Moped!"



Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds, the speedometer reads 150 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly....



WHHHOOOOOOSSSSSHHH!



Something whips by him going much faster! "What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?" the doctor asks himself. He floors the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 175 mph. Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the Moped! Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes the moped at 210 mph.



WHOOOOOOOSHHHHH!



He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN! Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to
250 mph. Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him again! The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing he can do!



Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end. The doctor stops and jumps out and unbelievably the old man is still alive. He runs up to the mangled old man and says, "Oh My Gosh! Is there anything I can do for you?"



The old man whispers, "Unhook my suspenders from your side mirror."

MEDICARE COVERAGE IN A NUTSHELL

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, "Hello."

"Mrs. Ward, please."

"Speaking."

"Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory. When
your doctor sent your husband's biopsy to the lab yesterday, a biopsy
from another Mr. Ward arrived as well, and we are now uncertain which one is your husband's. Frankly the results are either bad or terrible."

"What do you mean?" Mrs. Ward asks nervously.

"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's, and the other one tested positive for AIDS. We can't tell which one is your husband's."

"That's dreadful! Can't you do the test again?" questioned Mrs. Ward.

"Normally we can, but Me dicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time."

"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

"The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off
somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."

Hu's on first.

Dial-up warning!

but funny!

And Dave, I've passed your last two on, to another site.

Who still has dial up?

He does?

I know there are people who still do. When I post something that will take a lifetime with dial-up, I give a warning. If they still want to go for it, it isn't my problem.

Generally, you can play it twice. The first time it just loads into your cache. The second time it will play just like you were on a high speed connection.

Grandpa was telling a friend about his new hearing aid. "It's absolutely the greatest thing I ever bought. I hear everything as clear as a bell, I can hear all the sutle overtones in music, and the birds chirping in the yard. It cost me $6000, but it's worth every cent!"


The friend replied, "That's great. What kind is it?"


Grandpa glanced at his watch and said, "Two-thirty."





Grandpa got a new hearing aid and went back to the source after two weeks to have it checked, etc.

"What do your children and grandchildren think about your new aid?", he was asked.

His answer.."So far I haven't told them about it, but I've changed my will three times."

0-200 IN 6 SEC

Ed was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His
wife was really mad. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I
expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to
200 in 6 seconds, AND IT BETTER BE THERE."

The next morning, Ed got up early and left for work. When
his wife woke up, she looked out the window, and sure
enough, there was a medium-sized gift-wrapped box in the
middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe, ran out to the driveway,
and brought the box back into the house. She opened it and
found a brand-new bathroom scale.




Funeral services for Ed have been scheduled for Friday.

Great video! Reminds me of Candid Camera.

>>A father, son and grandson went to the country club for their weekly round
>of golf. Just as they reached the first tee, a beautiful young blonde woman
>carrying her bag of clubs approached them. She explained that the member
>who brought her to the club for a round of golf h ad an emergency that
>called him away and asked the trio whether she can join them.
>
>
>
>Naturally, the guys all agreed.
>
>
>
>Smiling, the blonde thanked them and said, "Look, fellows, I work in a
>topless bar as a dancer, so nothing shocks me anymore. If any of you want
>to smoke cigars, have a beer, bet, swear, tell off-color stories or do
>anything that you normally do when playing a round together, go ahead. But
>I enjoy playing golf, consider myself pretty good at it, so don't try to
>coach me on how to play my shots."
>
>
>
>With that the guys agreed to relax and invited her to drive first.
>
>
>
>All eyes were fastened on her shapely behind as she bent to place her ball
>on the tee. She then took her driver and hit the ball 270 yards down the
>middle, right in front of the green.
>
>
>
>The father's mouth was agape. "That was beautiful," he said. The blonde put
>her driver away and said, "I really didn't get into it, and I have faded it
>a little." After the three guys hit their drives and their second shots,
>the blonde took out an eight iron and lofted the ball within five feet of
>the hole (She was closest to the pin.) The son said, "Damn, lady, you
>played that perfectly."
>
>
>
>The blonde frowned and said, "It was a little weak, but even an easy seven
>would have been too much club. I've left a tricky little putt."
>
>She then tapped in the five-footer for a birdie.
>
>
>
>Having the honors, she drove first on the second hole, knocked the hell out
>of the ball, and it landed nearly 300 yards away smack in the middle of the
>fairway.
>
>
>
>For the rest of the round the statuesque blonde continued t o amaze the
>guys, quietly and methodically shooting for par or less on every hole.
>
>
>
>When they arrived at the 18th green, the blonde was three under par, and
>had a very nasty 12-foot putt on an undulating green for a par.
>
>She turned to the three guys and said, "I really want to thank you all for
>not acting like a bunch of chauvinists and telling me what club to use or
>how to play a shot, but I need this putt for a 69 and I'd really like to
>break 70 on this course. If any one of you can tell me how to make par on
>this hole, I'll take him back to my apartment, pour some 35-year-old Single
>Malt Strathmill Scotch in him, fix him a steak dinner and then show him a
>very good time the rest of the night.
>
>
>
>The yuppie son jumped at the thought! He strolled across the green,
>carefully eying the line of the putt and finally said, "Honey, ai m about 6
>inches to the right of the hole and hit it firm. It will get over that
>little hump and break right into the cup.
>
>
>
>The father knelt down and sighted the putt using his putter as a plumb.
>Don't listen to the kid, darlin', you want to hit it softly 10 inches to
>the right and let it run left down that little hogback, so it falls into
>the cup.
>
>
>
>The old gray-haired grandfather walked over to the blonde's ball, picked it
>up and handed it to her and said, "That's a gimme, sweetheart."
>
>
>
>The blonde smiled and said, "Your car or mine?"
>
>
>
>
>
>OLD AGE AND TREACHERY WILL OVERCOME SKILL AND YOUTHFUL VITALITY EVERY TIME.

Quote:

OLD AGE AND TREACHERY WILL OVERCOME SKILL AND YOUTHFUL VITALITY EVERY TIME.

How nice to once again have something to aspire towards!

The perfect Vermont toy:

it's natural

no chemicals

you can throw it, carve it and light it up

it's edible

and it's not from China


a pumpkin

Three Rednecks were working on a cell phone tower...Cooter, Jim Bob, and
Bubba.

As they start their descent down the tower, Cooter slips, falls
off the tower and is killed instantly.

As the ambulance takes the body away, Jim Bob says, "Well, damn, someone
should go and tell his wife."
Bubba says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."

Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of beer. Jim Bob says,
Where did you get that beer, Bubba?"

Cooter's wife gave it to me," Bubba replies.
That's unbelievable,you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave
you beer?"
Well, not exactly," Bubba says. "When she answered the door, I said to
her, 'You must be Cooter's widow.'"

She said, "You must be mistaken, I'm not a widow."...then I said "I'll
bet you a case of beer you are."

Rednecks Are Good At Sensitive Stuff.

You probably heard it with the names in different order, but moved them around so that Bubba ended up with the beer!




A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college.There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."

The young lady looked at his Awards and Decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action.

"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"

"1955, ma'am."

"Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 1955!"

She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!"

The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his serious voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now."

Don't ya love military time?

Lostone wrote:

Great video! Reminds me of Candid Camera.

Which is almost as funny as the Japanese Ski Spa Prank